JAI BHOLE

Jai Bhole!!!

Amarnathji Yatra 2019(July14th to July 17^th)

For someone born and brought up in Kerala (southern most state of India), a trip to Jammu & Kashmir, the northern most state of India can be really exciting.  And if the  trip is to one of the holiest places on earth  and through one of the most treacherous terrains, it becomes a prayer, a spiritual journey and an adventure, all rolled into one. This blog is meant to help people plan their yatra which falls   for a period of about 40 days in July August every year. The Pilgrims can choose to take the longer route from Baltal/Pehelgam by trekking the entire stretch of about 42 kms by foot, horse or Palki; this would take anything between 3 to 5 days one way.; or the shorter route by booking a chopper ride from Baltal/Pahalgam to go to Panchtarini which would leave only 6 km of trek to the shrine.

The holy caves is believed to be the place where Lord Shiva took Goddess Parvati to impart to her the secret of life and immortality. Mahagunas Parvat, Chandanwadi, Sheshnag and Panchtarini  are some of the places associated with the legend behind the Yatra. Mahagunas Parvat is the place where Lord Shiva left Lord Ganesha behind. Pahalgam (Bailgaon) is the place where HE left Nandikeshwer behind. It is also believed that Chandan wadi is the place where he left the moon worn on his head behind and Sheshnag lake is the place where he left behind the snake on his matted hair. Finally Panchtarini signifies the place where he left behind the five elements Air, water, earth, fire and space before proceeding with ONLY his divine consort Parvati Devi . The legend also says that the secret was heard by two white pigeons who remain immortal to this date and are sighted by devotees every year. This is also considered to be very auspicious and an integral part of the holy YATRA. The teaching of LORD Shiva to Goddess Parvati is  mentioned in the work "DEVIKAALOTTARAM", where it  is presented in the form of questions put forth by GODDESS PARVATI, the JAGANMATA  to Lord SHIVA. The word " Kaalottaram" indicating that the teachings are beyond the limitations of " Kaala" or "Time".

The first step:

Once you have decided to undertake this holy yatra, you have to download the Compulsory health certificate forms from the government website and get your fitness certified by a Government doctor. Though I  would not want to dampen your enthusiasm at this point, a little forewarning would not be out of place.  Be prepared for 4 to 5 trips to a government hospital to get your fitness done as there are number of tests to done. ( Blood, Urine, ECG,Chest Xray etc)

  Yatra Begins:

Our Yatra from Mumbai to Amarnathji was of 4 days as we chose to fly from Mumbai to Shrinagar and then take the helicopter route from Baltal to Panchtarini. The journey started in Mumbai and we took a flight to Shrinagar via Delhi with a brief transit time of about 2 hours.  The flight itself was special as I was flanked  by a lovely Kashmiri girl who worked for Tanishq in Shrinagar to my right and a very young army guy to my left side. I heard two different sides of the Kashmir story.  When I told her I was from Kerala, she said her uncle has a carpet and gems shop in Kovalam, Trivandrum. She said I would be in for a pleasant surprise in Kashmir referring to the hospitality of the Kashmiris.   The young man from the army was returning back after a 28 days leave of absence and spoke about how it was his childhood dream to join the army and serve the country. He would watch the army recruitment camps in his small village in Bihar and dream about joining the army one day. He joined the army at the age of 18.

The moment we landed at Shrinagar airport, all our phones stopped working.  We were told that only POST PAID AIRTEL connections would work. So out of a group of 12, only one had a post paid connection and thus the only person able to comminicate. Next thing we noted was the presence of army everywhere. They had to ensure the safety of Amarnath Yatris as they were incidents of the pilgrims being shot at by the terrorists, in previous years. The vehicles moving towards  Sonemarg, Pehelgam, especially the bigger ones had to be accompanied by the army convoy. In fact, till we reached Sonemarg, there were CRPF and jawans every 50 feet of the road. They were standing in sweltering heat with the finger on the trigger of their guns. I muttered a silent prayer and thanks to them.

We reached Sonemarg at about 4 in the evening after a brief stopover for lunch at a dhaba which had a scenic setting of Sindhu River flowing right besides the dhaba.  We were greeted warmly on our arrival at Hotel SHEEN at Sonemarg. This was just a 15 minute drive from the helipad at Baltal. Our chopper ride to Panchtarini was scheduled at 6 am the next day.  After an early dinner ,we retired to our rooms . Next day morning, we left for the helipad at 5am as the services were on first  cum first served basis.

 The helicopter bookings were all done online in advance. The cost of a chopper ride one way is Rs.1804/=. Next day morning, at about 6.15 we left for Baltal helipad. We presented the tickets at a counter and we were led inside , each one of us were weighed in a digital weighing machine as the chopper can accommodate only 6 people at a time and has weight carrying specifications. We waited for an hour for our turn. (A word of warning: The waiting area of the helipad has horrible dirty and poorly maintained toilets). The chopper services are operated by private companies but the security is handled by CRPF here also.

This trip heralded many firsts in my life, like my first trip to Jammu and Kashmir, first pony ride, first ever chopper ride, that too sitting next to the pilot and enjoying breathtaking views, the pilot pointing out the long pilgrim route below where thousands of people were trekking from Baltal/Pahalgam.. The chopper ride ended too soon (7 minutes) as we landed in Panchtarini, a 6km trek away from the Sanctum Sanctorum.

At this stage also, one can choose to walk the rest of the way, or hire a pony or a palki. Since the waiting time of our chopper was just five hours, we chose to take pony/Palki. When we landed at Panchtarini, we were mobbed by hundreds of kashmiri men clad in their traditional attire asking us to hire them as palki bearers or their pony.  Later we came to know that they have to await  their turn and manage to get just one ride or at times two a day. The rates for Palki and Pony vary from year to year and 10 to 20 % tips are expected over and above. This year’s rates for  two way Palki were Rs.5600 and pony was Rs 1800/=.

The grand finale:

I decided to embark the final leg of the yatra on a pony. The final 6 kilometres path is very uneven,full of stones, melted snow and mud.  If one intends to walk, special snow shoes would be required. The trek is on a hostile terrain surrounded by snow capped peaks glistening in the sunlight making for breath taking views. The Amaravati river flows with blue clear water alongside. The chants of Jai Bhole, Har Har Mahadev, Barfani Baba ki Jai is heard every where. Pilgrims greet each other saying Bam Bam Bole, Har Har Mahadev as their horses and palkis almost touch each other in the narrow space, they share their darshan experience, whether they sighted the pigeons in the holy cave. There are many devotees who make this yatra every year unmindful of the unpredictabe weather, For them it is a journey to affirm their deep faith and devotion. One can see many families undertaking this trip.

 The weather here is unpredictable and often choppers are not able to go back to Balta/Pahalgam the same day. Then devotees have to stay back in tents for the night. It is freezing cold at night , with the temperatures going into minus. (put up by the local Bakarwal community and can be hired for a price).  Many devotees voluntarily stay  for a day or two soaking in the beauty and divinity of the area, braving tough conditions with hardly any toilet facilities. There are many langars providing free hot meals to the pilgrims all along the way. These langars are put up by charitable trusts.

The pony stops about 1 km away from the shrine where as the palki goes directly upto the shrine except for the final 100 steps.  One can hire a palki for the final 1 km. Finally,  there are about 250 steps which are quite steep and because of the high altitude(12756 ft), the climb is difficult for persons not very fit. The local lads that accompany the pony/palki are very helpful and hold your hands to help you make the final climb of the 250 steps. A generous tip and Chai expense would not be out of place at all as this is their main opportunity to earn some money. They walk with surprising  ease along the arduous route carrying weight, guiding their horses.

As I got down from the palki hired for the last 1 km, one of the guys carrying the palki offered to climb the steps with me till the sanctorum.
I wondered whether there was really any need for this guy to help me climb the stairs . I thought to myself, "I can easily climb a flight of stairs”,. But the guy insisted. So  we started the climb.  After about 10 steps I understood the reason why he offered. At a height of over 12700ft, with hardly any accliimatisation, the reduced oxygen levels  makes the climb tough.
 After we finished climbing the steps pausing to pray at the shrine of   Nandikeshwer  half way through the steps, we reached the holiest shrine. There stood the SHIVALINGA in all its magnificence reaching the top of the cave (about 130 feet). Near the big Shiva linga there were two prominent smaller ones, symbolising Goddess Parvati and their son Lord Ganesha. Then the guy urged me to look for the pigeons, the white ones  which are believed to be immortal having listened to the secret taught by Lord Shiva to Goddess Parvati.I knew this was one of the miracles associated with the legend . As I strained my eyes to catch a glimpse of the white pigeons in the freezing caves, my guide pointed them out to me. There, on the niche of the cave,two pigeons were sitting oblivious to the fuss around them. I closed my eyes and soaked in the humbling experience for a few minutes. Who else then HE could have made this  possible.????

                                                            *************  

The empty nest

"Nest" had always been a word  I associated with birds, or at times a cozy compact holiday cottage. So Nothing prepared me for the sudden transition in my life when both the children flew away from the proverbial NEST. "SHIT"! I cursed myself, I am not old yet!! Just into my forties and both my children already settling down. Some of my friends who had got married much later remarked with envy," We are still struggling with Board exams", while others made me feel old with children as young as 8 to 9 years. I did not know whether to thank GOD that my children had settled so early or complain about my loneliness.

The emptiness that pervaded my home , slowly crept into my mind. The seeds were sown and the time was ideal for the dreaded "MID LIFE CRISIS".  I had built my life around my in laws, husband and kids for so many years, tending to their every need for the past 25 years. One after the other, both my in laws passed away after brief  illnesses. Now, with both the kids gone and my husband's diet restricted due to health reasons, I suddenly found myself with nothing much to do.

My misery increased when my husband travelled outstation for official work. Though the smart phone and internet helped alleviate some of my miseries, I felt an emptiness, a deep void. I found myself striking up conversations with the unlikeliest of the peoples, chatting up friends in Whatsapp ( Of course, they excused themselves after sometime) and watching repeat telecasts of movies and serials. The feeling that I am whiling away time, without doing anything productive was also eating me up.

One day, my cousin and his wife ( Both in their late fifties) came to Mumbai to stay with us for a couple of days.Their children were married and settled abroad.  After lunch when we retired to the drawing room, my cousin's wife started gently, " That was a delicious meal" Now I know the reason for your  "healthy" look. It took me a moment to understand what " healthy" meant. Yes!  The  utter boredom was getting to me, I had started to snack uncontrollably and was aware of my increasing girth.  But there seemed little that I could do to control my hunger (boredom) pangs!!

That was the last straw!! I burst into tears. My cousin's wife started apologising profusely and said" Reema dear, I am sorry". I know how difficult for you it is cope with this loneliness". I have been through this. Now wipe your tears and listen". "I understand that this has come for you too early, but we need to cope with it. We cannot always wait or exist  for phone calls from children.  They do have their lives and we have to accept that".

You need to have some activities of your own. Keep yourself busy, not by eating and watching TV, but doing something for yourself"!! 

 I cried, " I am not trained to do anything", It is too late to start now". My cousin's wife rebuked gently. " It is never too late, you idiot, " What about the music lessons you used to take before marriage?? You used to sing so well. "Sign up for some regular music lessons". " See the five course meal you just prepared, and presented beautifully, " Why don't you start your own food blog??  " Blog?? Who?? Me?? I stammered.. "Yes, you..You are such a good cook. Why don't you   click pictures whenever you prepare something special and upload them with the recipe". Start with traditional recipes. You can do it and I am not leaving till you get started and  publish your first blog"!!
 I looked at the " Ras Malai I had made, waiting to be served as dessert. Taking the cue, my cousin clicked the picture and took out his IPAD and handed over to me. Now type out the recipe and let me create a blog page for you!! In the next hour, my first food blog was ready!! I rang up my kids to tell them about it and they promised that they would tell all their friends about it.  In about half an hour I had about 40 page views and a few requests for more desserts and namkeens. I could not believe myself!!

The next day, my cousin and his wife set out for their morning walk and called me, " Join Us"?? I made a quick excuse , " No , I have to make breakfast and lunch", hardly any time in the morning, you know, I mumbled". " Reema, you need to maintain a healthy body for a healthy mind", A little time in the morning for oneself has not hurt anybody", Come on, we are waiting". Reluctantly, I joined them.  When we reached home later, I  looked at the watch!! We had walked for almost an hour! And |I felt light and  good. As I was about to spread the batter for Neer Dosa, that delicate South Indian Delicacy of fluffy, soft snow white dosas, my cousin stood  ready with the camera. I looked up and cried, " What ?? Another blog?" Yes,Of course"This time I am doing a video recording" he smiled. 

As I spread the Neer Dosa defltly on the Tawa, I knew I had found my passion. As I grated the coconut for the chutney and peeled the onions, gently giving instructions, my heart filled with joy and pride.

That evening, my cousin and his wife left for Chennai., not before telling me gently how to fill my empty nest... or was it my mind???

Maami meets her match!!!!

My husband’s aunt  whom we address as “Maami” is known for her excellent culinary, housekeeping and all other skills one could attribute to an extremely efficient home maker. Unfortunately, it included verbal skills, described as "sharp as a razor’s edge".  As soon as I settled in my marital home, I started hearing about her verbal and non verbal skills .  Most of the relatives who admired her for her culinary skills also feared her sharp tongue.  The timid ones toed her line, nodding their assent to whatever she said. Others paid due respects , but from a safe distance. The stories about her “Military Rule” at home were legendary. Some of the oft repeated ones include how after every sunday lunch, mami hands a duster to all members of the family for dusting the steel cupboards. She said that it would serve two purposes. One, the cupboards would sparkle as new after 30 years, second the family will not have a paunch due to sitting or sleeping immediately after lunch.  Such was her absolute control over her family.

Strangely,  two months into my marriage, she had taken a liking to me.  My in- laws, could not contain their surprise. They still remembered her caustic comment when they had shown my photograph to them.  “Too modern for our family, don’t you think???’ ( I was wearing a sleeveless top and a Capri).  She was a frequent visitor to our house as my mother-in-law was an epitome of tolerance and patience and bore her “Bhabhi’s” moodswings. Of course, Maami brought with her delicious homemade cakes and sweets and shared her recipes peppered with “strict instructions” to be followed. She took me under her ” wing” and promised my mother in law that she was going to teach me a thing or two about being a perfect home maker!!!. Slowly, I came to realise that Maami had a heart of Gold but had little control of her tongue and temper. I followed  my mother-in-law’s footsteps, mostly  ignoring Maami’s unreasonable outbursts.  The going was therefore, smooth.

Maami had two sons Nikhil and Akhil. Nikhil was married and settled in the US and now it was time for  Akhil to settle down. Maami had been looking out for a “suitable” girl for Akhil (or was it for  the family???) for a couple of years .  Now she had zeroed in on a girl whose parents were highly educated and the girl, Neha herself was working for an MNC. One morning Maami called.  “Neeta, Today we are going to see a girl for Akhil, I want you to accompany us.” Too shocked to react, I blurted out.. Maami, “Why me”??? Maami replied without batting an eyelid. “ Just to give the impression that we are also modern”.. ofcourse with traditional values” she added as an after thought. My in-laws were speechless but did not dare to displease maami, my mother-in-law’s brother’s wife.

Afternoon, we set out to the girl’s house.  Akhil had flown  in from Delhi (where he was posted) , to “see the girl”. Introductions over, maami took over completely. Her questions were sharp, specific and addressed to Neha, the girl.” I am sure, your mother would have taught you to manage a home, dear”.... Neha paused  and not sounding the least apologetic said..”If you mean whether I can cook and clean, let me tell you that I have not tried my hand yet in cooking.” Taken aback at somebody daring to answer her, Maami shot out her next question.  “ You know, our Akhil is  very good at singing.. How about you??”. By this time Neha had assessed Maami so well that she answered cleverly.” Aunty, I am an accomplished Bharat Natyam dancer and I dance all other forms too”, but I can hardly expect Akhil to know dancing, can I??? For once Maami was speechless. Maama, my uncle started sweating profusely and Akhil almost smiled with the sheer pleasure of somebody giving back to his mother, the first time in his 29 years. He knew it was high time , too. Nikhi had already escaped to America . He always pitied his father, who would not speak without taking permission from his mother. He liked Neha’s honest answers.  He admired her ability to express herself so openly.  Only she would survive her mother’s razor tongue.  Then and there , he decided Neha was THE GIRL for him.

Neha said,” My turn, now, I guess “ Aunty, can I ask a few questions???”. Possibly for the first time in her life, Maami appeared unsure of herself and  looked at Maama and Akhil. Akhil answered the question instead.  “ Shoot away Neha”, before Maami could even open her mouth. Neha flashed a breath taking smile at him showing off her beautiful dimples and even white teeth. “ Akhil, you know I am working for an MNC, Many times, we have these conference calls with US and UK which goes on for 1 or 2 hours late into the evenings.  I hope you know cooking and can manage”. Maami pressed her “traditional hand” close to her chest and wiped her brow with the edge of her Kancheevaram saree. Akhil replied calmly.  ‘Yes Neha,  last 2 years I have been staying in a flat on my own and I have experimented with cooking. I can put together a decent meal”. We can always cook together or take turns according to our daily schedule”. ‘Oh Akhil, thats so wonderful and you are so understanding” Neha literally cooed. The conversation continued with both Neha and Maami  answering each other's questions. Neha won easily with her polite yet firm answers. Akhil's admiration for Neha grew by the minute.

Can we have a few minutes alone , please’? we would like to talk”.  It was Neha, the beautiful, confident girl who asked for the” alone time.” The parents nodded, Maami  with a look of utter disbelief.

Half an hour  later, when Akhil and Neha came out of the room smiling, Maami put the filter coffee tumbler down, with a noise indicating her displeasure. “Mr. Ramesh”, she addressed Neha’s father, we will let you know our decision next week” sounding like the all important groom’s mother.  Neha came forward, hugged my Maami and said.” ‘We  don’t think there is any need for that, do we Akhil??”. Taking the cue, Akhil replied,” Yes Mom, Neha and I have decided that we would like to get married”. Neha came forward, hugged me and “ Nice meeting you Akka and touched Maama’s feet”. Maama took his first independent decision after 33 years of married life. For once he did not look at his wife’s face seeking permission.” God  Bless you daughter and welcome to our family”.

Atlast, everyone knew “Maami had met her match”!!!

A chnage of heart

A CHANGE OF HEART

Basheera tried to walk  faster. Her legs felt like lead. She wanted to reach the office early today. She adjusted her head scarf and boarded a rickshaw.  Today, she would complete a year  in the multinational IT Giant company.  Last year, on this day, she had been inducted after a training of 4 months. She had been studious throughout. She kept to herself  but still managed to make some friends who always called out to her, wished her every single day. She was surprised at their zest for life! For her life had to be according to a plan, a plan charted out for her. It was not so simple as theirs. Or so she thought! She always wondered at their capacity to start a conversation. They always found an excuse to reach out to her . One would compliment her on her glowing pink kashmiri complexion, her beautiful eyes, even the embroidery on her head scarf and some others would enquire about the week end.

The cool air hit her in full force as she entered the office. Looking back, She had come a long way from a simple kashmiri girl studying in a local school in Shrinagar. Her mother’s sister had brought her to Delhi after her elder brother’s death. He had been missing for a week before his body was found. She and her mother had joined the hundreds of women protesting on the streets against the security forces.  The officer was trying to pacify the crowd but no one was in a mood to listen.

“Good morning”, Bash, &  a very happy Birthday to you”.  Ajith called out to her. “By the way, “Do you believe in Destiny?”. You know, you coming here from a small village in Kashmir like a fully bloomed rose and brightening up the whole office in a corner of south India, not to mention warming the cockles of a handsome guy’s heart too in the process”, wouldn’t you call it  destiny”? ”. Once again she broke down in cold sweat and before she could say something, the others joined.  Happy Birthday”!! Neeta, Shyam and Girish called out to her. They were the ones who would constantly try to put her at ease and would not take no for an answer. She nodded shyly and sat in front of her computer.  Inspite of the AC room, she was sweating profusely. Her fingers refused to move over the keyboard. She looked at the system time. 15 minutes for 11 am, when her collegues who swiped in early would take a tea break. Today was the D-day, the day she was waiting for  the last 2 years. She had 10 minutes to do her task. Slowly she opened her draw. She had painstakingly gathered the material little by little over a period of two months. A few batteries, wires, the timer everything was  kept at different places in her draw.  The minute hand slowly crawled towards 11am.

‘Shall I get some tea for you Bash”? Basheera started and looked up. It was Ajith again. She shook her head and mumbled something about having to finish a programme. He left shrugging his shoulder. She knew he had a huge crush on her. She quickly shook her head and bent again. Her fingers slowly started assembling the device. She had been practicing a lot for the past 3 months that it was a child’s play for her. She set the timer of the device at 4.15 pm. She knew the device packed a punch and was enough to blow up the entire room where around 80 of her collegues worked. What a news would it make!! A high security IT Company with world wide presence brought to its knees  by bomb blasts. By the time, she would have safely boarded the flight to one of the middle east countries and from there to a neighbouring country which had always been sympathetic to their cause. She shut the draw and started working on her computer. Maybe this was her “Destiny” and perhaps theirs too”?

“ Here, some cake for you” Shyam and Ajith stood towering over her, Now let’s cut it and sing the birthday song.. Soon Girish and reena too joined. She blushed a beetroot red and thanked them. Ajith was staring at her beautiful face. When she was about to put a piece of cake in her mouth, her mobile rang which meant it was an emergency. It was her mother. “Ha ma….Bomb Blast??? Where??? What???? She started crying. Now Reena took over and started speaking.  The lady calling her was a stranger.  Her mother and brother on their way to airport had been injured in a bomb blast. Could she come right away?”.

“Yes Madam, , we are all coming”. They literally carried Basheera and put her in a cab and jumped along. Each one was checking the cash they had and were checking for ATM ‘s on the way.

A little lull in the afternoon traffic helped them reach the hospital  faster. Her mother and brother were among hundreds of people injured in the bomb blast at the taxi stand. She had specifically asked them to walk to the nearest taxi stand and take a taxi to the airport to board the late morning flight.

The scene at the hospital was devastating, people being brought in stretchers with half their hands ,legs gone and their clothes covered with blood. Many of them were screaming in pain . Her mother ‘s clothes were smattered with blood, both her hands had been severed by the intensity of the blast. And her brother, he was critical and battling for his life in the ICU. Meanwhile, there were reports of blasts coming in from various places. The doctors were expecting heavy inflow of patients.

          Her mother cried out to  Basheera.Even in her pain, she was crying as to what was happening!!!   Ya Allah! Basheera  could not withstand any more and broke down completely. Her friends held her closely murmuring words of comfort.  All of them were cursing the terrorists who had planted the bombs. Ajith was running around for blood required  for her brother’s surgery.  Mrs. Singh, their neighbor had heard the news and reached the hospital and was sitting near her mother.  Basheera completed the paper work for her brother’s immediate surgery and looked at the watch… 3.00 pm. Her hands turned icy cold when she remembered what she had done at the office.  She could not look her friends in the eye. Her mother was drinking the soup which Mrs. Singh had bought for  her.

          “Allah!! Is this your WILL”? She cried silently. “Give me a chance to redeem myself.”  She fell on to her knees and prayed. Each one of her collegues faces came to her mind.  The Smiling Ranjeeta who came with her child to be left in the office crèche,  Ragini, her team leader who always encouraged her, the HR team who had come to wish her on her birthday…. NO.I cannot do this…..she cried. She ran like a mad woman outside the hospital. Her friends followed her bewildered, calling out to her…She jumped on to a taxi and gave her office address.  She still had 40 minutes. She still might manage to reach the office before 4.15pm. The taxi moved slowly in the traffic.  She repeated the holy names, to give her strength, to forgive her, to help her reach the office. The taxi stopped now totally and the driver said. “ Madam, there has been another bomb blast now” and we are stuck”. She cried in anguish and paid the taxi driver and ran toward her office. With her headscarf falling, her beautiful face flushed with tears, her hair flowing, she ran through the traffic.

          After what seemed like ages, she reached her office. She did not dare to look at her watch. She told the security, “There is a bomb in the building”.  Please make an announcement. The security person already aware of the serial blasts in the city ran to the public announcement system.  She chose this moment to dash into the office and ran up the stairs to her 3^rd floor office. She ran to her draw and opened it. The timer showed 4.02 pm. The staff running out frantically gestured and shouted to her.  “ Basheera… quick, out…There is a bomb…lets get out and tried to pull her. She slapped  the lady and said “ Get the hell out of here”. I will come in my own time”. Her hands cold, numb and shivering, she started the defusing process. When she cut the wires and looked up, it was 4.12 pm and she fell onto the floor, completely drained,  the wires and battery scattered around her.

A minute later, a gentle tap on the shoulder awakened her…She opened her eyes. Ajith was standing behind her. She fell at his feet crying. ‘ “Hsh… “Its Ok…everything is going to be all right….

                                                                                                                             

                                                                                     

A fine balance

A fine balance

“Áll the art of living lies in a fine mingling of letting go and holding on”, said a gentleman. Isn’t that a beautiful way of summing up what our lives are all about? If only we knew to strike a fine balance between what to hold on and what to let go. John lennon of The Beatles once said “Life is what happens to you when you are busy making other plans”. Nobody ever said that life is always going to be fair. When you see young children dying of cancer or when the lives of an only son of parents being cruelly snuffed out right in front of their eyes, you can’t help wondering “Who is this someone who is watching everything from up above, does He really exist? “.

Most of the times, we observe that spirituality has helped people overcome difficult situations. A deeper understanding about the “law of Karma”-( how else can one explain worst things happening to some of the nicest people around?”), the ultimate cause-effect theory of The Bhagvad Gita explores life & after life of a human being. Acceptance of the past holds the key to striking a fine balance in life.

Most of the problems in life revolve around relationships, finance , health and career . Some of the bygones in our life are irreversible, like death of a loved one. Relationships can be mended and are definitely worth giving a try. A healthy mind is key to a healthy body. If there is a solution to every problem, it would no longer be called a problem, right? Understanding, Accepting and healing would go a long way in bringing about a change. An unshakeable faith in the Almighty helps the process along.

Let go of your anger,fear and jealousy ; hold on to precious memories. If we manage to master the art of living , may be atleast a few of us can say bravely a la Kunti Devi (Pandavas” mother), who said in her praise of Lord Krishna. “ Let calamities befall us constantly, for it is in adversity alone that we are blessed with your sight!”(Srimad Bhagavatam canto 1-8-25). That’s a tough call though!!

PRAYERS

“Prayer has a strength, unbelievable indeed, until we start praying”. These are Swami Chinmayananda’s words etched in my mind from the time I was a teenager.At that time, I took the liberty of praying, no, asking God for even small things like, my dad’s permission for an outing with my friends, a smile or even a glance from the boy on whom I had a massive crush, good marks after “not so good” exams etc. I prayed so fervently that God had no choice but to give in. My belief in prayers multiplied by leaps and bounds.

After my marriage, the prayers were for my husband and my kids. I couldn’t bear to see them sick even for a day; I would run to God and plead to make them alright. Poor God! He always obliged me! Even if they were late by half an hour, my mind would assume the worst possible things and start my prayers to God. Thus for more than half of my life, prayer was a convenient conversation with God, with me almost always demanding things.

My mindset underwent a major shift after some chance meetings with some underprivileged people. I wondered at their resilience when faced with adversities. For them nothing could be taken for granted, not even the roof over their heads and for some not even the next meal. One such incident which changed my entire outlook was when our maid servant, pregnant for the fifth time (first four were girls), and her husband just out of his sales man’s job, decided to celebrate “Ganesh Chaturthi” as she always did. When I asked her how she would manage to buy an idol, make Prasad, with her being pregnant and the husband without a job, she smiled and said”I am not going to worry about that, How I can not bring Ganpati to my home? He comes just once in a year, We all will miss him”. She was more worried about how Ganpati would feel if she did not bring him home, rather than the other way around. I was speechless listening to such simple , yet profound thought from a semi literate lady. I loaned her the money she asked for.

Meanwhile , we shifted to our own flat, a nice spacious flat, but with one of the balconies overlooking a slum. These were not shanties, but semi pucca houses of barely 200 sqft each, with three to four people in each house. From our 3rd floor flat, I could see the ladies cooking, bathing their children, children sitting and doing their homework sitting out, in the narrow gully with the open gutter on one side. I cribbed to my husband about the dreary view, but he being the typical mumbaikar, brushed it aside, saying, for the rate we have purchased, we would only get a matchbox in Bandra or Andheri (supposed to be prime locations) .

Observing them at such close quarters, my mindset under went a slow but steady change. For them Birthday parties meant having a loud speaker on till 10 in the night and a free for all dancing. Any festival from Sankranti to Diwali would be celebrated. One should hear the AARTIS being sung during Ganesh Chaturthi . A small group would go aroung singing aartis in all the tiny houses where Ganeshji is kept and only after all the AARTIS, they would have their dinner, sometimes as late as 11.30 or 12 at night. I would watch their enthusiasm with unmasked surprise!

My prayers are no longer applications. They are filled with gratitude for the things I am blessed with! The very things that I have always taken for granted. Each time I stand in front of Krishna these days, I see a naughty smile hovering in his lips. I whisper” Kalla Krishna” and wink at him, saying a big “THANKYOU”!

Sujatha

A SECOND CHANCE

She looked at the clock for the nth time. It showed 6.00am. And it was exactly 8 minutes since she last looked at it. She opened the cupboard and took out the saree she would wear for her wedding four hours from now. Holding the saree to her chest and draping it casually, she walked to the mirror. Did she look a bride to be? No, she guessed, a bundle of nerves, yes, but not shy, timid, coy, as one would expect a bride to be. She knew she did not look bad, frankly, she considered herself to be attractive. At 47, she looked at least 15 years younger and those meeting her for the first time were stunned to hear that she had two daughters who were married and that she was already a grandmother.
Sandeep had dropped her home yesterday and seeing her nervous state, he had asked his maid and come and sleep at her house. Her friends had also offered to come around and keep her company. But she had refused. She wanted to relax, do some last minute packing and be in the house she had shared with Rakesh for almost 20 years.
Two of her friends were expected anytime now to lend her moral support, to be with her at the Registrar’s Office. The phone rang and she ran to pick it up.
Yes, Sandeep, I am fine, “ Change my mind”,?? no ways!, Still very much on. See you tomorrow, Yes, we will reach there before 9 am. Bye, Love you too.”she sighed! It was Sandeep, her groom to be
She had put up a brave front in front of him. But inside , she was almost in a state of panic. Her two daughters had told her to” go ahead by all means but don’t expect us”. The elder one Renu had said, Mom, Imagine the scene if I tell my in-laws that my mom is going to get married, You know how very conservative they are”,Typical Tam Brahms”. I shall break the news to them slowly. I will definitely come and meet you later”.
Rinu, the younger one had always been her Papa’s pet. “Frankly Mom, I can’t even imagine anyone in Papa’s place, atleast not yet’.
But, darling it’s been six years since your father died” and four years since I am living alone here. “she had said .
Sorry Mom, We wish you, the very best, but don’t think we will be able to make it. Any ways, to come all the way from London is just not on. We will come down during Christmas Holidays.
It had been six long years since Rakesh had succumbed to blood cancer. He did not survive a delayed diagnosis and complications in bone marrow transplant. All of a sudden she was left alone with two teen aged daughters. At 19 and 16, they were a handful and in between her job, their admission and studies, the years flew by. Renu, at 22, announced she was marrying Ravish, her childhood sweetheart and shifted soon after to Bangalore. Now, three years later she had a one year old son. Rinu, the younger one had also married two years back and was settled in London.
It was exactly, two years before, she had met Sandeep in her office. A Tall attractive man, with a shock of salt pepper hair, he had come to her Travel Agency to cancel his booking for a Europe trip. “Sir, I can reschedule it for the next tour, that way you won’t lose much money” she had offered. ‘I lost my wife” ma’m, and I don’t think we will be taking that trip in the near future”.
“I am extremely sorry, Sir, and I perfectly understand” and before she could help it, she blurted out, “ I lost my husband recently”. I will make the cancellations and inform you, Sir”,she added.
Thus began a friendship, based on mutual empathy. Both had had wonderful marriages and at that point of time did not want anything more than friendship. SLOWLY, the trust grew and blossomed into something more meaningful which they could not put a word to. They had their children to think of. Sandeep had a son in college and she had her two daughters to think of. When the children came to know about their friendship, especially, her daughters, were skeptical. Mom’ Are you sure he is not after your money”? “ What money?” she felt like laughing. After spending a fortune for her husband’s treatment and their two daughters” weddings, she was in no way rich. She said” No dear, I don’t think so, ”he has more than enough of his own”.
Six years was a long time and Sandeep had begun to fill the void in her life. The evenings and nights were particularly lonely. Often she ached for the comforting warmth of a human body beside her. She craved for somebody to talk to , to share a meal with and most of all to share a warm conversation with. Sandeep was everything she could have asked for and more. Sandeep’s son Vivaan had come to accept her. Both knew it was time, they gave a name to their relationship. The day they had announced their plan to get married, Vivaan gave her a hug, and conveyed his acceptance. She told him she would understand if it takes some time for him to accept her, but he had said very wisely, “I am really happy for papa, he is so lonely these days”. She marveled at the way Sandeep had brought him up!
The doorbell rang and with a start she went to open the door. Her two friends stood with garlands and bouquets. “Wow”, they exclaimed! You are positively glowing”. Seeing her forced smile, they asked, ‘”What is the matter? Don’t worry, your daughters will turn around in no time. These days children have become so selfish and are oblivious to their parents’ needs”. Though this sounded true, she couldn’t bear anyone talking about her daughters in that manner. “You know, actually both of them wanted to make it for the wedding. But renu’s son has just recovered from pneumonia, and Rinu’s father in law just had a major heart attack’”.
“Let’s not keep Sandeep waiting!” Chorused her friends and they set off to the Registrar’s Office in her Santro. Along the way, her friends cheered her up with compliments and as the moment drew nearer, her heart thudded heavily threatening to break out from her chest. Tears threatened to burst anytime. She knew she was becoming emotional and needed her daughters at her side. The car slowly drew to a halt at the Registrar’s Office and they got down.
Sandeep along with Vivan was waiting to receive her. The moment he saw her face, he drew her aside, and asked, “everything all right Shona?” and led to his parents who were waiting. She had met them just once before. She touched their feet and received their blessings. They walked to the Registrar’s desk and looked at the clock. There was ten minutes for the “Mahurat”, the auspicious time for the wedding.
Her nerves were acting up, her hands and feet turned cold and she needed to calm herself. She looked around for a chair to sit down and closed her eyes. Drawing a deep breath, she tried meditation. Her only solace, during the last five lonely years! Slowly, the smiling face of the Supreme God Krishna filled her heart. Five years of constant practice had made this visualization possible. And for a second, or a micro second, or was it a nano second, Rakesh’s face smiled at her, as if supporting her decision. After a few moments,she felt a gentle squeeze on her shoulders. Slowly she opened her eyes to look back. Her daughters Renu and Rinu were both standing and smiling through eyes filled with tears. MOM! We are glad we made it today, to be with you and planted a tearful kiss on her cheeks.
“Thank you God! For…… everything”. Silently she sent a million thanks upwards.She walked forward, with her daughters on either side, towards Sandeep, who handed the pen to her. He had his heart in his eyes. She signed, with a smile, MRS.KAVITA SANDEEP NAIR.